


You Haven't Changed At All (And Thank God For That)

by theforgottenpromises



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/F, High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theforgottenpromises/pseuds/theforgottenpromises
Summary: They met in high school and dated all the way through college, but they break up right before gratuation. It's now 7 years later and they're both invited to the Story Brooke High's reunion. But what if they don't attend?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [and in the end it'd be us {art}](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757116) by [misthavens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/misthavens/pseuds/misthavens). 



> Another year, another SQSN Prostar.
> 
> First things first. A huge round of applause to the supernova team for making this huge explosion of Swan Queen magic happen once again. I appreciate and respect everything you do!
> 
> Then to the artist I should’ve talked to more, who inspired this story with her beautiful piece, thank you for being the spark to light my inspiration! Sorry for ghosting you in the end. I didn't mean to!
> 
> And finally to Paige. I’m so glad fate linked us together for this SQSN and that you agreed to turn this cheerleading business into a two way street. Thank you for being my sounding board, for the long emails, the chatting and for eventually “annoying me into working on my fic”. You truly have been the gem you so proudly claimed to be. At times. Don’t get cocky now.
> 
> As for this story, I hope I managed to create something worth your time and I encourage all of you to let me know what you think. Any and all feedback is appreciated more than words could express.

Nine.  
  
That’s the number of dresses Regina put on before she eventually settled on the first one she tried. She was currently staring at herself in the mirror, running her palms over her stomach over and over, smoothing out the creases that hadn’t been there to begin with.  
  
This is ridiculous, she told herself when her hand faltered in its attempt to reach for the lipstick on her vanity. Her eyes lingered momentarily on the envelope the lipstick was on top before she gave her head a stern shake and closed her hand around the wanted item. Focus on the task at hand. She pulled the cap off to reveal a deep red and started applying it to perfection.  
  
Perfection was what would get her through this day.  
  
Perfection would be the mask she could hide behind.  
  
She’s done it before, numerous times. Survived a lot because of it. Today was just going to be another one of those days. Why be herself if she could be better? She wasn’t sure if she heard that last part in her own voice or her mother’s and for now it didn’t matter. She just needed to get through.  
  
After applying her lipstick, she ran her hands through her hair one last time and gave herself one final check. She took a deep breathe and nodded her approval. Then her eyes met her refection’s. They were a little wider than they should be. The only indication of what she was really feeling. For anyone to notice this minor slip, however, they’d have to get really close. And Regina wasn’t going to let anyone that close today.  
  
A flash of blonde passed in her mind.  
  
Anyone.

* * *

  
  
She wasn’t the first in the parking lot. In fact, her arrival time would almost qualify as late. As late as she would ever allow herself to be, of course. She was pleased to see there was no one else in the lot as she exited her car and made her way to the door. She allowed herself a small smirk since her plan had obviously worked.  
  
Get here late. Avoid everyone as long as possible. Avoid her, as long as possible.  
  
Then again, she probably wouldn’t even be here. She’d have better things to do than attend High School Reunions, wouldn’t she?  
  
Wouldn’t she?  
  
No. She shouldn’t go down that road. Couldn’t go down that road. The only reason she herself was here was because it wasn’t as optional for her as the invitation implied for anyone else. This entire event had her mother’s name written all over it. She hadn’t even had the chance to open the envelope and read the invitation when it arrived in her mailbox three months ago, before Cora had called to tell her how delighted she was to hear about her daughter’s attendance. So it was decided before the question was even on the table.  
   
Business was booming for Cora, the company’s shares higher than they’d ever been, but it clearly still wasn’t enough. Cora herself had called it boredom that made her turn to politics.  
  
Regina believed it was her insatiable hunger for power and control rather than being bored, but who was she to argue? One did not argue with one’s mother, house rules.  
  
As a part of trying to make a name for herself in politics, Cora had to build a sympathetic image. Suddenly she started caring for the community and within three weeks of announcing she was going to divide her attention between the company and a career in politics, she had landed a spot on the Storybrooke High’s school board.  
  
Even after so many years, it was still unsettling to watch how easily her mother wound people around her finger. How many gullible people didn’t see past that fake smile that was all teeth and no warmth. So far, Regina had been able to stay away from it all as much as possible. Things were still in their early stages and she’d had more than enough work to bury herself in with her mother’s hours being cut in half.  
  
That was until now.  
  
The metal of the large door handle felt cold when Regina wrapped her fingers around it. She stood there, door in hand, but lacking the power to pull it open. What if she was here? A few doors and hallways removed from Regina. Was she supposed to ignore her? Was she supposed to greet her? Would she be expecting a hug? A handshake? A polite nod from across the room?  
  
After everything they’d been through, would they be reduced to a small tilt of the head in each other’s direction? How had it come to this? How had they gotten here? Memory after memory flooded her brain in answer and it was the exact opposite of what she needed to get herself through this door.  
  
The last time she crossed this very same threshold, 10 years ago, leaving the building instead of entering, they were together. They had just graduated and the world seemed to be at their feet. They had tossed their graduation caps in the air as if it symbolized the worries and shackles they were now freed of. Their lives just beginning.  
  
A short 10 years, a lifetime ago.  
  
Regina pulled the door and held her breathe as she stepped back into the hallway she hadn’t been in for a decade.  
  
The smell was familiar. Exactly like Regina imagined every high school in the country would smell like. It was an interesting mix of dirty gym clothes, books, world altering dreams and teen hormones. What Regina once associated with the excitement of education and being away from her mother’s judging eye, nauseated her now but she kept putting one foot in front of the other, making her way further into the building.  
  
She kept her head forward, her back straight and her steps as sure as she could manage but she  couldn’t keep her eyes from roaming. She glanced at the lockers lining the walls on both sides. Counting them to keep her mind from wandering, but when she reached the window separating two rows of lockers, she couldn’t help but stop and look out of it.  
  
The narrow, floor to ceiling window gave a perfect view of the sports fields and track behind the school. From where she stood, she could even see a small part of the bleachers lining one side of the football field and the track encircling it.

* * *

  
_The sky was a pale but clear blue this time of year. The warmer gusts of spring air were battling with the lingering winter’s chill and Regina allowed herself a moment to just breathe it all in._  
  
_She was sitting on the one the bleachers by the football field, several books open around her, a notebook on her lap, pen in hand. During games and practice, she usually stayed far, far away from this spot but on the days when the field was deserted and everyone had gone home, she loved it here._  
  
_It was quiet. It was peaceful. And most importantly, it wasn’t 108 Mifflin street._  
  
_If the weather allowed it, she chose this spot on the hard surface of the bleachers over the library to study, read or write after school. Being class president, she felt like she was talking, discussing, asking and answering all day every day and it was nice to have that place she could just be alone for a while._  
  
_She loved being in the student council, she loved having a voice and people seemed to listen to her. It was easy making people see her way if her way was making sense, she figured. She had never been much of a follower. And the fact that being on the council seemed to please her mother was a nice perk. One she absolutely didn’t consider before joining. Not once. Not every night for an entire week, nor during the four dinners she was too scared to bring it up before putting herself up for election._  
  
_Her planner said she was supposed to be studying for an upcoming history test, reviewing her notes and perhaps summarizing that one tricky chapter a third time but with all the information already crammed inside her head, her mind kept wandering._  
  
_It was April, a couple more months until summer and after that she was starting her senior year. One more year and then she’d be gone. Then she’d be free. The hard work she was putting in now would all be worth it in a little over a year._  
  
_She was so lost in the pipe dream of never looking back that she didn’t hear the footsteps until they were passing right by her._  
  
_Someone was here._  
  
_No one was ever here._  
  
_She looked up from her books to see a wave of blonde hair and pale skin, moving gracefully along the running tracks. It was too cold for the shorts they were wearing but the girl didn’t seem to mind. At least she had the good sense to put on a hoodie. It looked a little ill fitted, washed one too many times, but it seemed to serve its purpose._  
  
_Regina’s gaze followed the girl around the first bend, still a little startled that she hadn’t noticed her arrival. She wondered what the girl was doing here so late. It was at least two hours after the last bell rang and Regina was sure there were no practices or sports events of any kind on Thursdays._  
  
_Who was it?_  
  
_She was now on the other side of the track and too far away to properly see her face so Regina waited until she got closer again and Regina could make out her face._  
  
_She knew her. As she knew all the students in her year. Or well, Regina didn’t think there were many people who really knew this girl. She herself only knew the very basic things._  
  
_Emma Swan. Transferred in last year. A loner most of the time. Didn’t attend many of the school’s organized events, or kept such a low profile you barely noticed she was there. They’d shared a few classes last year, but none now and Regina had sort of forgotten she existed. Never gave her a second thought because the girl never provoked one. Until now._  
  
_Their eyes met briefly as Emma passed her for a third time and that’s when Regina noticed she’d been staring. They both shot each other a small smile in acknowledgement of each other’s presence before averting their eyes again._  
  
_Regina returned to her history books, Emma kept on running._

* * *

  
“There you are!” The familiar voice carried easily across the empty hallway. “I almost wondered if you had forgotten.”  
  
Here we go, Regina thought, ripped from the memories she was rehashing in her mind. She pasted on a smile and turned toward the voice. Being late had its price and she was about to pay it.  
  
Cora’s heels echoed around the hall as she approached her daughter. The footsteps seemed to be coming from all directions and it made Regina feel like she was surrounded. Any and all escape routes blocked.  
  
Her mother reached for her, hands squeezing her upper arms, lips pressed briefly to her cheek. Her smile as fake as her eye lashes when she pulled away.  
  
“Did you stay in the big cities for so long you forgot the way to your own hometown?” The teasing tone was only a mask to cover the judgment in the statement. She was late. Her mother wasn’t pleased. It was best not to take the bait and play nice.  
  
Get through this day, she reminded herself once more.  
  
“I’m here now,” she responded. I’m here and regretting every second of it.  
  
“You’ve missed so much already! Your former class mates have been asking about you.”  
  
Which class mates, Regina wondered. Who was there? Was she there? Emma would never ask her mother about her, would she? Would she even want to know?  
  
“Did you know mister Booth is currently putting the finishing touches on a blockbuster movie script? You two should catch up.”  
  
Her mother looped her arm through one of Regina’s and started pulling her down the hall.  
  
She and August had never been friends. In fact, Regina couldn’t remember ever having had any personal conversation with him at all. They shared a couple classes throughout the years and being the editor of their school paper, they’d discussed school related things weekly, but they had never been anywhere near friends.  
  
In high school, Regina spoke to a lot of students regularly. Some because they were in committees or councils together, or because she needed them for one thing or another. Others she spoke to just because it was her job as class president and later student body president, to know what was up on school grounds. But she considered very few of these people friends. In fact, Regina had exactly one friend in high school. Kathrine Nolan.  
  
They’d met a safe distance away from the sandbox in Kindergarten, bonded over sand being gross and had been friends ever since. To this day, they still talked almost daily.  
  
“August and I barely know each other,” Regina mumbled, although she already knew her mother didn’t care.  
  
“This would be a great opportunity to change that, dear,” Cora said a little too cheerfully. The threatening undertone wasn’t lost on Regina even though she pretended not to hear it.  
  
August would be walking red carpets soon. He would be among the big names, and more importantly, the big camera lenses, and it would be fantastic to have him do that wearing one of their pieces.  
  
“Isn’t it wonderful that a boy from our very own Storybrooke got this far?” Cora mused. “Wearing my design would be the perfect nod to his roots.”  
  
After all this time, her mother would still call it _her_ designs as if this entire clothing line was solely hers. As if there weren’t nearly seventy people working in her department, twelve of whom helped designing the pieces. There were plenty items in their line every season that Cora had no hand in designing and yet she claimed the credit for all of them.  
  
On top of that having high end quality goods and having buyers were two entirely different things. Regina would know. While Cora sat on the throne of the drawing room, Regina ruled the marketing department. She’d been semi-voluntarily recruited to be a sales pitcher by her mother straight out of business school. A major that hadn’t been entirely her choice either.  
  
In high school, Regina had been an influencer. She’d known how to approach people and how to get them to do what she needed or wanted them to do. It was a logical career choice to exploit that natural talent and an even more obvious one to do so by joining Molinos, her mother’s brand.  
  
Regina had agreed. Mostly because it was easier than to fight it only to eventually give in combined with the hope of getting out from under her mother’s thumb having died before even graduating college. Her hopes of freedom after high school had been shortlived. It turned out that her mother’s power over her stretched far beyond Storybrooke’s borders. A crushing reality she hadn’t anticipated until she started college in New York. But if she was going to work for her mother, she could at least take a position that included a few perks. She got to travel. She got to see the world. She met a lot of interesting people. Famous actors, writers, politicians, stylists, artists. Everyone that mattered had at least heard the name Regina Mills and the brand she was promoting. As they should. It was her job after all. And the biggest perk of all, was that she rarely had business in their head office. She rarely had business that involved seeing her mother.  
  
Despite all of Regina’s, and everyone else’s time and effort, Cora would still claim everything as her personal success. As she would frequently remind everyone, Molinos wouldn’t have existed if it weren’t for Cora Mills.  
  
The summer before starting business school, Cora had interned at Golden Thread, a small company weaving and selling exclusive fabrics to high end stores  all over Maine. Mister Gold, the company’s owner, had identified Cora’s cold hearted talent for negotiating and leadership skills within the first few weeks of her time there and had offered her a job right off the bat. Of course, he made her get her business degree on the side, he even paid  her way through college while having her work crazy hours at his exponentially growing business. She’d managed to work her way up in no time, working right below Mister Gold himself after only 5 years on the job. And she had loved it. The power made her thrive. She didn’t make many friends, but it didn’t matter. Fear was a great motivator, she had learned. Who needed friends if you could have subjects?  
  
After 10 years of working as Gold’s right hand. After 10 long years of being annoyed by having someone ranked higher than herself. After 10 years of learning every secret the trait had. Cora Mills was ready for a new adventure. Hungry for more. Hungry for power. Money. Image.  
  
No one knew how she’d gotten Mister Gold to agree. The most popular rumor on the work floor, was that Cora must’ve sold her first born to him. And to be honest, if she didn’t know better, Regina wouldn’t have thought it to be below her.  
  
All in all, Regina knew Mister Gold knew a good business opportunity when he saw one. And this had been exactly it. He was already producing the fabrics. Why not use what he already had, to create their very own clothing brand. He put Cora in charge of the department, perhaps solely to put some distance between her and himself, and Cora had eagerly claimed the department as her own.  
  
The idea took off in a matter of months, growing beyond Golden Thread’s market and soon it became an entirely new business. That of course needed a name. People thought it was clever. To make the brand sound European. Chic. Elegant.  
  
Regina knew though. Regina knew it had been an emotional decision. While he was alive, it didn’t seem like they had been all that in love. There were many times that Regina wondered why her parents were still together. How they had ever gotten together in the first place. But translating her own last name into her husband’s first language and choosing that to be the name of her label, made Regina believe that Cora had more emotions than she ever let on. Perhaps Regina wasn’t the only one who missed her father every second of every day.  
  
Not that Cora had ever shown any grieving openly. Not that they had ever talked about it. Not that Regina had even been allowed to cry for more than a week after his passing. Cora had said life went on. She’d been 12, heartbroken and alone.  
  
They turned a corner, then another and Regina fought the growing urge to pull her arm free from her mother’s grasp with every step. She would do this, but she’d prefer it to be at her own pace.  
  
The posters for pep rallies and book clubs lining the walls, the doors of the classrooms, still their ugly brown self, the glimpses of desks and blackboards wherever a door was open, it all made Regina’s head spin.  
  
She wasn’t prepared for this.  
  
She had known being back here was going to be hard. Impossibly hard even. But she hadn’t expected a simple tag on someone’s locker to throw her back to that time someone spray painted insults all over Emma’s. She hadn’t expected the election posters with young bright smiles and bad slogans to make her relive her own endless hours of campaigning and the night she spent star gazing with Emma way past curfew after being elected student body president.  
  
And she had not expected the large glass show case with the school’s trophies and victories to still hold her picture.  
  
She tried to look away the second her eyes landed on it. She tried not to see. But it was all in vain as she knew the picture too well. She didn’t need more than that split second view to know every single detail in that photo. Emma Swan, high school senior and star of the track team, in her final stride over the finish line after completely crushing her opponents and leaving them to eat her dust. Regina had been there that day. Watching from the sidelines. Her own smile may have even been brighter than Emma’s. She had been so proud, so happy for her girlfriend. She still remembered what it felt like to be the first person Emma’s eyes locked on right after finishing. The crowd was huge and yet it had felt like it was just them. The only two people that mattered. It used to feel like that a lot and Regina had never felt better.  
  
It would never be just them again and that knowledge, the ache accompanying it dulled by time, was rushing to the foreground of her mind again at the sight of one stupid picture.  
  
It felt like the walls Regina had so carefully constructed over the years to keep from falling apart after the break up and the extra few to get through this day, were all crashing down around her. Deafening destruction that made her ears ring but her mother kept tugging and she kept following.  
  
They rounded one last corner and she could already hear the faint sound of music coming through the gymnasium doors like it was giving her one last warning to get out. A hazard alarm warning her to leave the building. One more door separated them from the others. One more door between her and Emma.  
  
Emma.  


* * *

_“Those running shorts aren’t suited for these temperatures.”_  
  
_“Is that your way of asking if I’m cold?”_  
  
_Regina, a couple of books in her arms, her bag slung over her shoulder, had descended the bleachers and was now standing next to the tracks. She was eying the girl’s bare legs with a mix of concern and curiosity._  
  
_“I’m only sharing an observation.” Regina shrugged nonchalantly._  
  
_“Those shoes look super uncomfortable.”_  
  
_“Are you criticizing my fashion sense?” She lifts a dark eyebrow._  
  
_“I’m only sharing an observation.” The blonde girl grinned._  
  
_A moment passed. Regina’s eyes twinkled in amusement of the exchange. A slow grin spread across her face and she saw the same expression form in the other girl’s features._  
  
_“Regina Mills,” Regina finally said. Her left arm clutched the books to her chest so she could extend her right for a handshake._  
  
_“I know,” Emma answered. “Everyone knows.”_  
  
_“Yes, but we never properly met now, did we?”_  
  
_“Alright,” Emma agreed, slipping her hand into Regina’s and giving it a shake. “Emma Swan.”_  
  
_“Nice to meet you, Emma.”_

* * *

  
  
“You go ahead.” Her voice sounded hoarse and far away. The words were out before she could stop them. She cleared her throat to get rid of the shakiness as she extracted her arm as subtly as she could manage in her current state.  
  
“I want to freshen up first,” Regina went on in explanation. “Long drive.”  
  
Her mother turned to her, a disapproving look with a hint of concern as she took her daughter in properly.  
  
“You do look rather disheveled,” Cora agreed. “First impressions are everything. And while you’re here try to smile, dear, frowning never got anyone anywhere.”  
  
With one final scrutinizing look over her shoulder, Cora was gone.

* * *

  
The cold water hitting her face did little to calm her nerves and on top of that she would have to reapply her make up now.  
  
She could do this.  
  
No she couldn’t.  
  
She had to.  
  
They were counting on her.  
  
Her mother was counting on her.  
  
She was going to stride in there like she owned the place. She was going to smile and shake hands. She would act surprised at how some of her former class mates had changed so drastically and then joke about how some hadn’t changed at all.  
  
She would do what she came here to do in the first place. Her job. Her job as a supportive daughter and as a business woman. She would go in and show everyone she supported her mother in her decisions. She’d put her charm on and get August and perhaps a few noteworthy others to take her business card and call her on Monday just like her mother expected her to. She’d have a drink or two with them, do what she had to and then leave as soon as socially acceptable.  
  
She’d deal with the fall out later.  
  
She pushed through the doors with her elbows, even after all these years she refused to use her freshly washed hands on the doorknob of the washroom on her way out.  
  
She walked the hallways.  
  
Past the posters.  
  
Past the trophies.  
  
Past her picture.  
  
The gymnasium doors now in sight.  
  
Her heartrate increased, her breathing coming fast and shallow. Her mask crumbling. Her thoughts were one giant jumble of possible scenarios rushing at her faster than she could focus on them and suddenly one word forced its way to the surface. Clear as day. A breath of fresh air in a smoke-filled room of a burning house.  
  
Enough.  
  
Enough of this. Enough of doing what was asked of her. Enough of being who others wanted her to be. Enough of pushing past her own limits to please others. Enough of being pushed around.  
  
Enough.  
  
The gymnasium doors and its dull hum of voices and music passed on her right as her feet carried her down another hallway, around another corner and straight out the door.  
  
She didn’t look back as she got in her car.  
  
She didn’t look back as she passed the “Leaving Storybrooke” sign.  
  
She didn’t look back as she left Maine behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Her phone buzzed. The sound amplified by the hard wood of the bar top. On auto pilot, Emma reached for it, pressing the button that lit op the screen.  
  
**Storybrooke High Reunion**  
  
It read on the screen. A reminder that she’d snoozed all day. She let her head drop, her forehead landing on the bar as she let out a long sigh. She had no idea why she had even bothered to put it in her agenda. She’d torn the fancy, thick paper of the invitation in two right after opening it. It had made a very satisfying ripping noise. She hadn’t considered going for even a second. So why did she keep snoozing the notification instead of disabling it?  
  
Because a part of her kept wondering. A part of her kept imagining the scene.  
  
There was no way she was going to willingly subject herself to a day of such torture. High school was a thing of the past and Emma was just fine leaving it there. It  had been fun for as long as it lasted and there was no use in  living in the past. It was over. They were over. She had nothing, no one, to go to that reunion for.  
  
And yet she allowed the notification to pop up over and over throughout the day. Ever since their break up, Emma had done nothing but distract herself. So far she had been doing a great job in keeping her mind away from the dark void created by the absence of the girl she’d foolishly thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. After a few years, she stopped defining her life as one giant distraction and had adopted it as her new lifestyle.  
  
She thought she was doing well. She had a steady job at the NYPD now. The bounty hunting that had basically kept her distracted and therefor sane during the hardest of times was now nothing more than a side job. A hobby. The thrill of it, the unpredictability, the adrenaline, it was a good way to keep herself from sitting on her couch at night and realizing how quiet her apartment was.  
  
In hindsight, maybe she hadn’t been doing as well as she thought she had. Just because you closed the door on a burning room and you no longer saw the blaze didn’t mean your house was no longer on fire. It was just a matter of time before the flames would break through the door and come at you twice as hot.  
  
So today she opened that door. She allowed herself to remember and it was rapidly swallowing her whole.  
  
She had been useless at work today. Distracted. At one point her co worker had even made her ride as a passenger even though she always drove, because she kept making wrong turns. Emma had been a little insulted by that, though she’d deny that if asked. She thought she’d be happy to reach the end of her shift, but she realized she was dead wrong about 30 minutes after being home.  
  
With nothing to keep her busy, to keep her mind from roaming without restraint, she was drowning in memories. Not just the obvious ones either. After having run through their first date, their first time holding hands, their first time falling asleep together, first conversation, first fight, she’d moved on to the little things.  
  
Those little things that were anything but little.  
  
They were the hardest and that’s when Emma knew she was in real trouble.  
  
The way Regina’s eyes would shine with challenge when she took her on in a battle of wit. The way her hair looked on the rare occasions she’d wear it up. The perfume Emma would recognize from ten feet away. That smile Regina seemed to have reserved for just her and the way it made her feel when she caught a glimpse of it. The way it felt to have Regina run her fingertips over Emma’s jaw from her ear to her chin and back when they had just kissed and were still sharing the same air. The rich sound of her laughter. The confidence in her walk. The hesitance in her hugs that would melt into surrender when the squeeze of Emma’s arms told her it was okay to be vulnerable.  
  
Every single memory felt like another punch to the gut. This was the very reason she never allowed herself to think about her. There was no getting away now with the flood gates open and emotions rushing in from every side. Trapped, she had no choice but to ride the waves as best she could. Try to keep her head above the surface and swim for her life.  
  
She couldn’t stay in her apartment all night. She had to get out. Be around people. See faces. Any face would do as long as it didn’t have those dark eyes she got lost in so often.  
  
She briefly considered calling her boss for a new mark to chase. It would be an amazing distraction, never failed before, buts something told her she wouldn’t be getting anywhere with that tonight. She’d slip, make mistakes, lack focus and overall would be a disaster with no positive outcome. No, tonight was different. Tonight was for drinks. She’d raise her glass on the past, have a couple drinks and get up tomorrow with a hangover and the resolution to never let herself slip like this ever again.  
  
That’s how she found herself three hours later. She’d had the good sense to have dinner before going out, knowing that drinking on an empty stomach was a recipe for disaster. But now she moved to drinks only as the movie of her past kept playing for her like a broken record.

* * *

  
_Emma ran her fingers through her damp hair and hoisted her bag onto her back. She’d decided to run a couple extra laps after practice had ended. Her coach had told her she’d done plenty already, but Emma couldn’t count on anyone’s word for that. She needed this. It was her ticket out of this place. Her only choice was to excel. Plenty wasn’t good enough. Good wasn’t good enough. There was no way she left anything to chance. Her grades were fine, but not great. No detentions either. But none of that would make her stand out. None of that would get her away from this place._  
  
_Initially, she had started running track for fun. When no one else was around, she would run lap after lap, mile after mile. It cleared her head and helped her unwind. She’d transferred to Storybrooke High about a year ago after being placed with a new family._  
  
_Her foster family was alright compared to the last she had been with but she suspected they only took her in for the extra money they got for it. They had five kids of their own and very little time left to focus on another. Which was fine with Emma. She liked to fly under the radar. She had gotten some hand me downs from the older kids to wear, just enough food to not go hungry and a room she had to share with two others. There was very little room to be alone, very little privacy in the house although no one seemed to be paying her much attention.  Emma didn’t like the noise, the crowdedness, the cramped spaces that made her feel like she couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe._  
  
_Running was her escape. It was a time where nothing mattered but to put one foot in front of the other. It required dedication. When she ran, full speed, her lungs burned in a way that forced her to focus on her stride and nothing but her stride. Everything outside of the track was gone for that glorious moment._  
  
_When the school’s track team coach noticed her a few weeks ago, recruited her for the team, it was like a window opened for Emma. Like she had been in a dark room and someone suddenly opened a window to let some light in. An opportunity. A purpose. A goal. An out. It was a no brainer to accept the spot on the team and she’d been working her ass off ever since._  
  
_She’d have one more year to make sure she’d land a scholarship. One more year to ensure a future that didn’t involve hand me downs and shared bedrooms for the rest of her life. If it took a thousand extra laps every week to get there, she would run every single one of them with a smile on her face._  
  
_For tonight, she was glad to be done with her training. The night was clear, dry and still comfortably warm as Emma walked off the school’s property. So far May was good to them. A prelude to a warm summer. She turned right at the crossing, ignoring the street on the left that would take her to her own house._  
  
_She wasn’t going home just yet._  
  
_This morning, during the morning announcements, they’d announced the winner of the student body president election. It had been a close call between Graham Humbert and Regina but as Emma had ensured her the day before, Regina’s campaign turned out to be the most successful. The entire class had clapped when Regina was named student body president._  
  
_Regina had shot everyone a polite smile, a small nod and then returned to her notebook as if nothing had happened. Emma knew better though. She was the only one who saw the relieved sigh that made her shoulders momentarily sag before she pulled herself together._  
  
_Emma knew the hours upon hours she’d spent writing speeches. She’d seen the stacks of books she’d buried herself in in the library to make sure her campaign was flawless, her debates were strong, her posters immaculate._  
  
_Emma also noticed the external pressure Regina was under to succeed. She had never officially met Regina’s mother, but from the occasional comment Regina made about her and the absurd rules she had to adhere to, she could reasonably assume it wasn’t easy being her daughter._  
  
_The streets were dark and empty, the sun having disappeared behind the horizon a good hour earlier. Emma made her way across town, strolling leisurely. She had the habit of looking through windows wherever the curtains were open. She liked to watch the families inside, imagine their lives. Imagine lives she knew she’d never have so she liked living vicariously through others every now and then._  
  
_The closer she got to Regina’s house however, the less there was to see. The yards got bigger, the fences higher, the houses withdrawing from the pavement as if they were hiding the treasures they undoubtedly held inside._  
  
_It was a huge contrast from where her own home was located. The streets were quieter, the people more private. The kids playing in back yards instead of out on the street. It seemed less alive here, She never would’ve imagined she’d befriend someone who lived in this part of town._  
  
_She never imagined she’d fall for that someone, this hard, this fast._

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

A hand touched her shoulder and out of reflex Emma’s head shot up from where it had been lying on the bar. Startled she looked into the eyes of a very dull but alright looking man. He was looking at her expectantly, clearly having asked something that she hadn’t heard.  
  
“Sorry, what?” she asked with an apologetic smile.   
  
“I asked if you’ve had a rough day,” the man explained, leaning in a little to be heard over the noise of the crowd.   
She was so not in the mood for this. She was in no mood to have conversations of any kind, especially not the making-small-talk-in-a-bar kind. The kind she barely tolerated on a good day.   
  
“I guess you could say that,” Emma shrugged and turning half away from the man to grab her bottle and take another swig.  
  
“I’m Walsh,” the man said.  
  
He seemed like an okay guy. Someone she might even enjoy talking to in a different setting, on a different day. But right now any interaction was too much for her. Her head was full. She had no room to form sentences. No room to remember how to be nice or how to have a conversation.   
  
“Look, Walsh, I’m sorry but this is a bad time.”  
  
“Oh, my bad,” the man apologized looking around a little confused, “I didn’t realize you were here with someone.”  
  
Why did so many men assume the reason you didn’t want to talk to them was because you were already taken? Like the only thing that kept you from wanting them was the fact that you weren’t single. As if there weren’t a million other reasons for why a woman would not want to talk to a man.   
  
Although, in some way, Walsh was right. She _was_ here with someone. That someone had been with her all day. Ever present in the back, and later the front, of her mind. And that someone demanded all of her attention right now.   
  
“Yeah,” she mumbled in a non-committal tone as she grabbed her phone.  
  
She got up from her bar stool, putting some distance between her and the man to make her point of not being interested. The man got the hint and Emma was extremely grateful for his good manners. He didn’t push, he didn’t try to close the gap. He just nodded in understanding, wished her a good night and walked off.   
  
Still, Emma found an empty booth in a darker corner of the bar rather than sit back down on her stool.   
  


* * *

_“What are you doing here?”_  
  
_“Would you maybe, want to go for a walk?”_  
  
_A tiny wave of insecurity passed through Emma before she was able to read Regina’s expression. She wasn’t being mean. She was honestly surprised to see her. Pleasantly surprised if the small twinkle in her eyes was any indication._  
  
_“I just,” Emma started, rubbing the back of her neck self-consciously. “I just thought you could use a break from all this. All them. It’s been a big day.”_  
  
_Between being elected student body president, a full day of school, studying for exams and the dinner her mother had hosted in honor of her win, Regina hadn’t had a chance to breathe all day._  
  
_Regina blinked. Contemplating._  
  
_She looked between Emma and her front door. The door was still open, having just waved off the last dinner guests, walking them to their cars as proper etiquette required her to do._  
  
_She bit her lip and Emma knew she was weighing her options. Her mother was probably waiting for her to come back in any second now. And then she did something Emma wasn’t expecting._  
  
_She surged forward, colliding with Emma. It took Emma a moment to realize what was happening. To register the movement and the arms now wrapped around her neck. And then she acted, wrapping the girl up in her arms. She wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but she was going to roll with this for as long as she could._  
  
_A ball of energy bounced around under her ribs. Excitement. Nerves. Happiness._  
  
_She could feel Regina’s breath against her ear when she spoke._  
  
_“Thank you.”_  
  
_Emma loosened her grip so she could put enough distance between them to make eye contact._  
  
_“What for?”_  
  
_Regina looked away, something dark falling over her face before she smiled it away._  
  
_“For being the only one who knows what I need right now.”_  
  


* * *

Left, right, traffic light, another right. Regina drove on auto pilot.   
  
She’d put a couple of hours between her and that gymnasium. She’d entered the outskirts of the city a while ago, driving safely but and not really aware of where she was headed. All she knew was that she had to keep going. As long as she kept going, she couldn’t look back. As long as she didn’t look back she wouldn’t remember. As long as she didn’t remember she was fine.  
  
She was fine.  
  
Her hands had started to relax their grip on the steering wheel at the sight of the first skyscrapers and by now she was almost calm again.  
  
She could breathe a little easier around these tall buildings she was now passing. The city that once felt too big to grasp now felt more like home than the familiar small town streets she grew up in ever did. There were millions of eyes here, but none of them were on her and that’s exactly what she needed right now. To not be seen. Though back in Storybrooke, not many really saw her either. They all looked, noticed her, watched her every move, but very few really _saw_ her.   
  
Those bright green eyes however. They seemed to see right through her. A shudder ran down her spine as she shook off the ghost of a memory before it could fully form and do real damage. She turned the radio up, hoping to drown out the thoughts even though she hadn’t really been listening to it in the first place.  
  
When she finally got out of the car, waiting for the lock’s click before walking away, night had long since fallen and there was a chill in the air now that the sun was gone.   
  
The sky was pitch black and clear, but with the city’s hundreds of lights, not a single star was visible.  


* * *

_“And that one over there.” Emma pointed up to something and Regina tried her best to follow. “That’s Cassiopeia. You see it?”_  
  
_Regina hesitated before finally admitting, “No.”_  
  
_Emma chuckled and scooted closer on the castle’s platform to point the distinctive “W” shape out again._  
  
_They’d walked aimlessly around the outskirts of Storybrooke for a while before ending up on the deserted playground. Every since the new arcade opened up near the docks, the playground was no longer the prime hang out spot for teenagers after dark. And that’s exactly why Emma liked it here._  
  
_They were laying side to side on one highest of the play castle’s small round platforms, gazing up at the numerous stars above. Their legs dangled over the edge, their heads close together._  
  
_“How about now?” Emma asked, her shoulder close enough to Regina’s cheek to look along her arm to the constellation in question._  
  
_“I think I see it now,” Regina answered softly. She could smell Emma’s shampoo, feel the warmth radiating from her and something deep in her stomach seemed to… dance?_  
  
_Emma smiled and dropped her arm. She hadn’t meant to, but in the limited space between them, her hand had landed right on top of Regina’s. Regina felt her freeze for a second, then she started pulling her arm away but before she could break contact, Regina’s other arm had shot out to grab her elbow, keeping her in place._  
  
_Emma turned her head, a silent question in her eyes when she met Regina’s. Had she just made a mistake? She’d acted on impulse. She hadn’t been thinking when she grabbed her elbow. She wasn’t thinking of consequences now either. She wasn’t thinking of her mother or of what others would say. She wasn’t thinking of tomorrow._  
  
_She wasn’t thinking._  
  
_Right now, she was feeling._  
  
_Emma hesitated, searched her eyes for some sort of answer, reassurance maybe? And Regina figured she must’ve found it because a moment later she left a hand close firmly around her own._  
  
_An explosion she could only describe as warmth went off in her chest as she felt slender fingers wrap around her hand. She turned her own hand over, lacing their fingers together and Emma instantly squeezed gently. An encouragement that this was okay._  
  
_With just the two of them, the stars above, silence around them, their hands linked together, Regina felt something she hadn’t felt for a long time. Something she had some trouble identifying._  
  
_In this moment, Regina Mills was truly happy.  
_

* * *

 __  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

She moved in a daze. She knew these streets, had walked them a hundred times before, so her feet knew the pavement even if her head was miles away. She stepped over that crack in the pavement she’d tripped over all those years ago without even blinking, muscle memory guiding her. It had been a while since she’d last been here. After she’d moved to the penthouse she was currently residing, she never crossed the bridge to this part of the city anymore.  
  
She found the modest little hole in the wall without even searching despite it being the only place without obnoxiously large neon signs or rowdy club goers. It seemed more like a shadow in the line of shouting logos and lights than an actual entrance to somewhere. The faint orange light coming through its small windows stood no chance against the bigger clubs’ colorful brightness lining the sidewalk on either side. It was there only to those who really looked and that was exactly what drew them in nine years ago. It turned out to be an oasis of peace inside. It was cozy, warm and intimate. It was small, but big enough for them to have their privacy and anonymity whenever they craved it. There were plenty little nooks and crannies to disappear in. The afternoons were quiet, the music soft and they’d spent numerous hours studying or reading on one of the many couches or big chairs. The place had a couple regulars but also plenty of people stopping by looking for a good time, a bite to eat or just a next stop in their club hopping.   
  
It had quickly become a beloved place for them to hang out off campus.   
  
Had she noticed at this point, she would’ve appreciated the irony of her destination tonight. In an attempt to get away from high school memories, from her, she’d driven straight to a place that screamed her ex’s name just as loudly if not louder. And yet she was lured in by the soft glow radiating from the windows. Drawn by the familiarity of the heavy wooden door with it’s comically large handle.   
  
Her pace didn’t slow as she approached. She was always taught not to hesitate. Hesitation equaled weakness. Approach with confidence. Keep you chin up. Take what you need to get where you need to be. Even if you don’t know what that is. Even if you don’t know where you’re going. Fake it until you make it. It was a feature that had been drilled into her since birth and by now it shone through her every move. She never slowed her stride. Not for anyone. She was shaped to be a face things head on kind of person.   
  
With no idea of what to do once inside, without having given that a single thought at all, she moved with purpose. Her head high like the heels on her aching feet.  
  
The door was heavier than she remembered. The weight of her heavy past in this place making it harder to open but she managed to do it in one swift motion. The warmth of familiarity and burning logs on the fire hit her the second she crossed the threshold. Something had made her come here. And that something may just have been a huge mistake.  
  


* * *

 _“I can’t recall ever being this delighted by a cup of hot chocolate,” Regina half sighed, half said as she wrapped her frozen fingers around the warm cup. “At least not in the past fifteen years.”_  
  
_“Oh please,” Emma scoffed. The shake of her head made raindrops fall from her soaked hair. “Like your mother would’ve allowed you to have hot chocolate at three years old. I’m not even sure she ever allowed you to have it. Were you allowed to have chocolate? Or any kind of candy for that matter? I bet you grew up drinking vegetable smoothies and munching on raw cauliflower or something.”_  
  
_Regina rolled her eyes but the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth gave her amusement away. Emma was half right about her childhood. Her mother allowed her to have sweets, on rare occasions that were usually few and far in between. Her father was usually the one to feed her sugar in the form of all kinds of little chocolates and hard candy wrapped in brightly colored paper. They were usually smuggled up to her room, placed inside one of her books or slipped into the pockets of her coats for her to find. Although her father said it plenty, it was those little gestures that made Regina truly feel his love for her._  
  
_God, she missed him._  
  
_“This is good though. What’s in this?”_  
  
_Regina brought the cup back up to her lips to take another careful sip but it was the smell that gave her the answer before she even tasted it. No doubt._  
  
_“Cinnamon.”_  
  
_“Well,” Emma answered, “this is heaven in a cup. We should claim this place.”_  
  
_“You’re sold too easily,” Regina quipped. “Don’t forget you’re in a very vulnerable state at the  moment. Not the best to be making decisions like that in. Any place with central heating would sound good to you right now. We’ve only been in the city for a couple months. How do you know this is the place you wish to devote yourself and your time to if you haven’t even been to more than a handful of places?”_  
  
_“Just a college freshman and you already sound like a business woman. I’m not interested in any of the other options you’re about to try and sell me. Why would I want to keep looking if I’m good with what I got? I don’t keep looking for other girls either now do I? I’m content in this very spot on this very comfortable couch with my very beautiful girlfriend beside me, thanks very much.”_  
  
_Emma placed one had on her girlfriend’s knee to emphasize her words and with the other she brought the cup to her mouth again, moaning softly at the taste, before setting it down on the coffee table and settling in a little closer to the fire. Her teeth had finally stopped chattering now._  
  
_“Besides,” she continued, “it takes a lot more than a few drops of rain and a gust of wind to put me in a vulnerable state.”_  
  
_“A few drops of rain?” Regina repeated, taking the bait. “Jumping fully clothed into a pool couldn’t have soaked us faster than that storm out there just did. And I’m pretty sure any pool would’ve been warmer than the ice water pouring from the sky as we speak. I am still trying to regain the sense in my fingertips and my face might be frozen in this single expression for rest of my life.”_  
  
_“You mean I will never get to see that beautiful smile of yours ever again?” Emma pouted as she scooted closer to Regina’s side of the couch. “Perhaps I can help you warm up?”_  
  
_She leaned sideways and gently pressed a kiss to Regina’s cheek, then reached up to turn her head toward her until she was able to brush her lips along Regina’s. Regina smiled against her lips before she too pressed forward so they could share a proper kiss._  
  
_“There’s that smile I love.” Emma gave her one of her trademark grins that made her look so young and carefree in return before she linked their hands together and leaned back._  
  
_Perhaps, Regina thought as she watched the flames in the fire place dance while she soaked up their warmth, perhaps this place wasn’t half bad. Perhaps Emma was right._  
  
_Right here. Right now. This was good._  
  


* * *

Emma felt it before anything else. Her fingers instinctively stilled from where they’d been drawing circles along the ridges of the worn wooden table top. She felt as if the air around her had shifted. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but something was off. People were still chatting around her, happily oblivious, celebrating their own weekends. She was still thankfully alone in her booth and the beer in her hand was still half empty albeit lukewarm by now. But something was different.   
  
In her line of work, it was always a perk to have good instincts. The police academy she’d earned a full scholarship to had been excellent training with top of the line education, but a few years on the job and a handful of unfit partners had taught her that the academy only got you so far. You could learn all the rules. You could do everything by the book and be alright. But like every great cop she’d ever met, every detective she’d ever admired, would tell you, a gut feeling isn’t taught. You were born with it.  
  
You could be taught how to react correctly in all kinds of scenarios. But the real trick was to know when something was about to happen. To catch the signs before things could go south instead of knowing how to deal with them once they had.   
  
By now, with a few years of experience under her belt, Emma was confident enough to claim she had a pretty good instinct. Her gut feeling had been right on quite a few occasions while on duty. Even saved a life or two. She’d been able to keep things from escalating simply by following that gut feeling. It was the confirmation she needed that she had chosen the right career path. She hadn’t just wanted this. She turned out to be good at it.  
  
However, the feeling she was experiencing now, was something completely different. It wasn’t the kind of feeling that made her reach for a gun strapped to her side. A gun she wasn’t currently carrying. It wasn’t the kind that made her scan the room for the emergency exits and possible flight routes.   
  
No, this was the kind that made her stomach flip in a nervous way. It felt like anticipation and dread woven together into a blanket that wrapped itself around her.  
  
Her senses were on high alert but they didn’t fan out to cover as much ground as possible like they normally would. No this time, they all zoomed in on one particular spot as if gravity itself pulled her focus there. The chatter faded away as her mind tuned it out. She didn’t see anything else as her gaze narrowed its focus to that one particular spot without even knowing why she did it.  
  
The entrance.   
  
It couldn’t be.   
  
Could it?  
  
Her blood ran cold. Then hot. Then cold again. As if her body couldn’t decide what to feel first, it opened the flood gates and let everything crash through at once.   
  
Her mouth went dry, swallowing made impossible by the huge lump suddenly in her throat. Her heartbeat sped up, the sound of it a daunting rhythm in her ears. Her stomach felt heavy and yet it was doing summersaults inside her belly. Her back went rigid, just like her legs with feet that were planted firmly on the floor. She couldn’t move. Paralyzed. The color drained from her face as she could do nothing but stare.   
  
After all these years.  
  
After having given up hope of ever meeting again.  
  
After finally having built some sort of life after her. Without her.  
  
As if she’d summoned her with tonight’s thoughts.  
  
There she was. At the entrance of their college years’  favorite bar. Looking impossibly more beautiful than Emma had remembered her.  
  
Regina Mills. __  
  



	5. Chapter 5

The place looked exactly the way Regina remembered leaving it 6 years ago. Even the hideous motivational quotes and posters that covered every inch of the wall behind the bar were still the same.  
  
The warmth that made you want to take your coat off and settle in still felt like a tight hug from a friend after a long lonely day. Perhaps it was a marketing trick to make you spend more of your time and money inside or maybe it was a reflection of the old owner’s warm heart. Regina’s business oriented brain had initially suspected the former, but after having spent hours talking to the kind man when business was slow and time seemed to stand still, the sympathetic side of her brain had concluded it was probably a mix of both.  
  
She ran a hand through her hair and down her dress before making a beeline for the bar. It was crazy to have come here. She briefly scanned the faces, making sure none of them looked familiar. She felt like she was at the end of her rope, at least for tonight.   
  
A few of the other patrons looked her way, some smiled politely, but she didn’t recognize anyone. She breathed a sigh of relief at not having to exchange any pleasantries and another one at the discovery that Marlin, the owner, was nowhere in sight either. She didn’t know what she would’ve done had he been there. Would he even remember her? Did it matter?  
  
A drink. That’s what she needed.   
  
She ordered her apple cider, a drink she knew from experience was good at this place. It was at this very bar that she’d ordered her very first alcoholic beverage on the night of her 21st birthday. Emma had practically had to drag her to the bar to order it. She remembered her mind going blank, not knowing what to get since she’d never tasted anything other than beer. Which she’d hated from the first sip. 7 years later she still didn’t understand why people drank beer voluntarily.   
  
Eventually she’d ended up asking Marvin what she should order. The man had taken a long look at her, and her ID of course, before turning around and confidently reaching for one of the bottles. He’d poured her a small glass of apple cider, set it in front of her and wished her a happy birthday.  
  
To this day, she’d never been able to find a better alcoholic beverage than Marvin’s homemade apple cider.  
  
She found an empty stool and sank down onto it. Now what?  
  
She slowly swirled the rich brown liquid around in her tumbler. The ice ticked softly against the cool glass. She couldn’t hear it over the sound of the conversations around her, but she felt the vibration against her fingertips. She made the the cider go around and around, occasionally sipping from her tumbler while her eyes absentmindedly took in the quotes she’d once all known by heart.  
  
“So you didn’t go either, huh?”   
  
Regina jumped at the sound of a voice so close to her ear that there was no mistaken that the phrase was directed at her. She’d been too lost in thought to see or hear anyone approach so the sudden proximity of another person had startled her.  
  
She automatically turned to the voice. In the split second it took for her to turn on her stool, she mentally prepared herself for human interaction. Schooling her features into a pleasant but distant expression as best she could.   
  
It was the blonde hair that caught her eye first. Falling down her shoulders in loose curls. She followed it up to where it framed a fair skinned face. A face she once knew so well. A face she still saw in her dreams more often than she’d ever care to admit. The very face that had been swimming in the back of her mind all day.  
  
Her eyes locked on a pair of green eyes Regina hadn’t expected to ever see again. She had in fact actively tried to avoid seeing these very eyes today. She’d driven all the way to Brooklyn to do so and yet here they were and Regina was staring.  
  
“You know, I think if they’d held that reunion in a bar in the first place, people would’ve actually showed up.”  
  
Regina blinked. Processing Emma’s words. Emma’s voice. Emma’s trademark grin. Her mind moving a million miles a minute to catch up and respond. And then Regina snapped out of it. If Emma was capable of striking up a conversation in such a casual way, then she was going to go along with it.   
  
“You’d be surprised at how full that parking lot was this afternoon.”  
  
“So you went?”  
  
How was she supposed to respond to this? _Yes I went. I made it all the way to the door, but I didn’t go in because I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing you.  
  
_ There was always the option of lying. She could say she didn’t go but heard about it from Kathryn. Or her mother. Or both. But something stopped her from doing so. She never lied to Emma. She’d never felt the need to do so before and she still didn’t now.   
  
They hadn’t seen each other in six years. Or was it seven by now? And yet a sense of familiarity and security lingered between them.   
  
“I didn’t go in,” Regina admitted with a finality in her tone that shut down any request of elaboration on the subject. She forced herself to maintain eye contact as she spoke. Mills women did not bow down.  
  
Emma searched her face for a moment, considering, and Regina prepared herself for what she was about to say next. Instead, Emma just nodded. Understanding.  
  
The silence stretched on and Regina had a million questions and yet none to ask. It was as if all questions came at her at once, swirling, repeating, circling and all she heard was a dull murmur similar to the sound of a room full of people in the midst of a dozen conversations at the same time.  
  
She wanted to ask how she’d been. _Where_ she’d been. If she was still with the NYPD and if she liked her job. Did she still drive that yellow bug? Did she still order hot chocolates? Did she still listen to that one song to calm herself down after a night mare in the middle of the night? Was she finally able to find and wear matching socks? Did she ever successfully figure out how to poach an egg?  
  
Regina knew she had no right to any of those answers. She had no longer had any claim on this woman she used to know everything about. How much of what she used to know was still true today? Emma could be a completely different person by now. A lot could have changed in the last 7 years. A lot _had_ changed. But that lopsided grin was still oh so familiar although it carried a newly found confidence to it now.   
  
There were so many socially acceptable questions she could ask to keep the conversation going. Which she was somehow desperate to do. Polite conversation starters she’d effectively used on clients numerous times. But this was different. This wasn’t one of her clients and Regina was way out of her element here. She wasn’t the business woman reeling in another investor or possible stylist. She wasn’t wearing her professional mask. She was herself tonight. Her whole vulnerable self. She was too exhausted to hide behind her walls tonight. Emma always seemed to look right through them anyway.  
  
Say something, Regina scolded herself. Say something or she’ll think you’ve gone mute. Emma was watching her with an unreadable expression. Since when was Regina unable to read her? She used to know this girl. Really _know_ her.   
  
“So, do you come here often?” Regina said and she flinched the moment the words had left her mouth. Where had that come from? Out of everything she could’ve said, this was what she’d gone with? How had that extremely feeble remark escaped from her lips without her permission?  
  
She averted her eyes just as Emma’s mouth started stretching into a smile. She didn’t see the moment when that smile reached her eyes, a thing used to love watching, but she definitely heard the short melodious laugh that accompanied that smile.  
  
“Really? Have we really been diminished to this?”   
  
It wasn’t an accusation. There was to menace to the words. But Regina felt the sense of failure fall over her like a heavy blanket.  
  
“Then again,” Emma continued. A hint of humor and lightness to her tone. “You were always extremely bad at pick-up lines.”  
  
Relieved about the change of direction, Regina played along. She let her mouth fall open, eyes wide as she pretended to be insulted.   
  
“I. Am. Not.”  
  
“I seem to remember that the first thing you ever said to me was an insult to my clothes,” Emma said, a hand to her chin as if she was thinking hard.  
  
“That wasn’t a pick-up line,” Regina scoffed. “That was you being irresponsible and I was merely trying to reason with you.”  
  
“I guess,” Emma went on, ignoring Regina’s retort and looking right at her, “with a face like that, you don’t need pick-up lines at all.”  
  
Regina was left speechless. She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again when words failed her. What did she just say?  
  
The mood shifted between them as the eye contact stretched on. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t happen. Regina could not feel this. She simply could not. It was just the past playing tricks on her mind. That must be it. The ghosts of their past coming around to throw memories of what used to be at her. But was she right in believing she could see a similar emotion swirling in the green of Emma’s eyes?  
  
“I see you’ve learned a line or two yourself, Miss Swan,” Regina said in an attempt to collect herself but it was a little too late, her voice a little to soft.  
  
“I’m just stating the obvious,” Emma said the volume of her voice turned down as well and still not breaking eye contact.  
  
Something fluttered inside Regina’s stomach and she forced herself to look away. This was why she hadn’t gone into that gymnasium. Because she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t allow herself to go down this road again. Not if she knew it she was heading for a dead end. She couldn’t fuel the spark of hope like this. That chapter of her life was over and she had spent the last 7 years trying to write a next one, a better one. Her career had soared after their break up. Not much of a surprise since she’d put every free minute into it. She’d seen more of the world than she ever thought she would. She’d met so many celebrities she rarely got starstruck anymore.   
  
And most importantly, she hadn’t let anyone get as close to her as she’d allowed Emma to get.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

_It had been 2 days since they’d last texted._  
  
_Would she show up? They met here every Wednesday. Every Wednesday afternoon since that storm had made them discover this place._  
  
_Then again, they also always texted their ETAs and that wasn’t happening right now either._  
  
_Emma had said she would be busy. Regina had told her she understood even though she’d known it had been an excuse. Things had been tense between them ever since that Sunday two weeks ago. Regina hadn’t stopped wondering, worrying about their conversation but Emma had completely frozen her out._  
  
_She’d never done that before. Not this way. They’d fought before. Numerous times even. Shouting matches, snide comments. Insults thrown in both directions. Anger. Hurt. Tears. But it had never felt like this._  
  
_Marvin kept throwing her pity looks from behind the bar and Regina kept pretending she didn’t notice. He didn’t ask and she was grateful for the distance he kept._  
  
_The door opened and Regina’s hopeful eyes were the first in the room to see Emma enter._  
  
_She came._  
  
_Regina exhaled._  
  
_Emma sat down next to her, dropping a couple of books on the coffee table. She leaned in, closed the distance between them like she always did to greet her with a kiss._  
  
_Something was off._  
  
_Regina was dying to know what was happening but the fear of finding out kept her from asking. A “face things head on” kind of girl too scared to face this._  
  
_It wasn’t just Emma. They had been drifting apart for a  while now. They were both just two months from graduating and suddenly the real world was approaching more rapidly than either of them was ready for._  
  
_Regina had been swamped with work. Not just the last of her exams, which she had to ace to graduate cum laude, but she’d also started attending meetings and taking on more and more responsibility at the company. She wasn’t officially hired  yet, she’d need a diploma for that, but her mother was starting her early so she could “get a head start”._  
  
_Emma in turn was focusing on graduating the academy. She dedicated her time to learning all of her books by heart and keeping herself in the best physical shape she could be in. She tried to go to sleep early so she could squeeze in a morning run before going to the academy while Regina’s nights tended to run late with business meetings and errands. For the past few months they’d been falling out of touch simply because their schedules seemed hellbent on never lining up._  
  
_The little bubble they had been living in since they had both started college in the same city, both found their own place to live in the same borough, was about to burst and neither knew where that left them._  
  
_But these Wednesday afternoons had been sacred throughout it all._  
  
_Today, they went straight to studying. Skipping the How Was Your Day and diving straight into their books and notes. Exams were no joke at the end of their last year although that was only half of the reason they were so eager to study,_  
  
_They had been working in silence for nearly an hour when Emma finally spoke._  
  
_“I can’t go to Paris with you.”_  
  
_Regina took a moment to process the words and the feeling of rejection accompanying it before she answered._  
  
_“Why not?”_  
  
_“Because I need to be here to start my job.”_  
  
_“You can’t spare the two weeks? You think they won’t understand?”_  
  
_“I just…” Emma faltered. “I can’t go.”_  
  
_“Emma,” Regina started carefully. She closed the book she had in her lap. “Why won’t you come see Paris with me?”_  
  
_“How the hell am I supposed to pay for that? I don’t have that kind of money.”_  
  
_“I’m not asking you to pay for it. I’m inviting you to come with me.”_  
  
_“I don’t want you to pay for me, Regina.”_  
  
_“I don’t care about the money. It doesn’t matter.”_  
  
_“It doesn’t matter? Only rich people say dumb shit that.”_  
  
_Regina flinched but Emma didn’t apologize like she usually did when she went too far. Money was a sensitive topic between the two of them. Regina couldn’t help being born in a wealthy family just like Emma couldn’t help having little to spend. They rarely talked about it, skirted around the topic as much as they could and so far it hadn’t been too much of an issue._  
  
_“Emma…”_  
  
_“I said I can’t go, okay. It’s not a good time.”_  
  
_She sounded final. She sounded like she’d been building up to say this for a while now and Regina had not seen it coming. She knew Emma wouldn’t be happy about Regina paying for their trip, but she hadn’t expected her to flat out refuse. This could’ve been their last getaway before their lives started._  
  
_To stroll the streets of Paris together. To explore new alleys and taste food they couldn’t pronounce. To decide together if the Eiffel Towel is as overrated as Regina expected it to be._  
  
_None of it was going to happen._  
  
_Regina wanted to argue. To ask again why she didn’t want to go. She had a strong feeling she wasn’t getting the whole story but an even stronger feeling that Emma wouldn’t give it to her if she asked. She was confused. She was hurt._  
  
_Something was off between them. But it was nothing they couldn’t fix right? This thing they had was too good not to fight for it. Right?_  
  
_Right?_  


* * *

Regina had been swirling half melted ice cubes around an empty tumbler for a while now. Emma recognized it as a nervous trait. She’d fidget for a bit then catch herself and stop. She noticed the exact moment Regina’s arm went to hug her own stomach. She remembered her doing that whenever she felt vulnerable. It was her way of trying to protect herself. Emma never told her she noticed. She usually hugged her or tried to make her feel safe in any way she could think of.  
  
But most of those ways were inappropriate having just run into each other in a bar, 7 years after they’d last seen one another. That didn’t mean Emma didn’t still feel the urge to do it. But why? Why did she?   
  
“Can I buy you another drink?”  
  
Alcohol was an acceptable comfort to offer right? People bought other people drinks all the time.   
  
Regina considered it for a moment before nodding her consent and Emma didn’t even think about it before she waved the bartender over and ordered for them both.   
  
“You remember.” The statement phrased more like a question.  
  
“Of course I do.” Emma shrugged.   
  
She remembered everything. Even though there were many times, especially during the endless lonely nights, where she wished she could forget, she remembered it all.  
  
A group of loud college boys entered, hollering something about a football game and shouting orders at the bartender and Emma didn’t have to ask Regina if she would like to continue this conversation in a booth rather than at this bar.   
  
“To answer your question from earlier,” Emma said as they settled into the same booth Emma had been in earlier. “I do still come here often.”  
  
The embarrassed blush on Regina’s cheeks at the reference to her opening line, was barely noticeable in the low light but Emma saw. It was cute and damn she needed to stop thinking like that.  
  
“Marvin will be devastated to hear you were here on the one night he took a day off.” Emma chuckled as she pictured the scene. Then on in a more serious note she added, “He still asks me about you sometimes, you know.”  
  
Regina looked down at the table, smiling sadly.   
  
“How is he?”  
  
“He’s good actually! Do you remember his son? The kid’s taller than me now and he plays guitar like a pro.”  
  
“But,” Regina said, trying to fit the puzzle pieces of the new information together with the memories she has of the little boy, “what about his arm?”  
  
“Yeah, he’s had a lot of physical therapy for it and it definitely got a lot better but it’s still there. You can’t really tell when it’s resting on the body of the guitar though. He can play the most beautiful melodies. Marvin said that guitar really helped him develop the fine motor skills of his fingers. He even put up a small stage in the corner. There’s an open mic night every other Thursday. You wouldn’t believe the horrors I’ve seen on that stage.”  
  
Conversation flowed easily between them. It always had. They fell right back into old patterns. They talked about the bar, then the city. They talked about Storybrooke and their former classmates. They eventually filled each other in on what they’re both up to these days. Emma told her that her bounty hunter days were officially over and her days as a police officer hopefully numbered. Knock on wood. She even admitted her dream of joining the special victims unit and that she was on the right path to doing so. She’d never said this out loud before. Not to anyone other than the people helping her get there, of course. She felt her heart beat a little faster when Regina told her she thought the job was perfect for her and that she had no doubt that she would get it.  
  
Regina in turn spoke of how she took the company oversees. How she managed to make a name for Molinos in Europe with great success. Emma listened, urged her on. She nodded at the right times, asked questions and soaked up every word Regina had to offer. But she never once saw Regina’s eyes sparkle the way they always did when Regina was passionate about something.  
  
Emma bet Regina didn’t even notice anymore. If she asked her point blank if she loved her job, she’d full heartedly confirm and not even know she was lying. Oh Emma believed she liked it. Everyone liked the things they were good at. She bet Regina enjoyed her job most of the time. But to love something, it had to spark something deeper inside you and Emma didn’t hear that in the other woman’s words.   
  
She recognized it from the times when Regina was campaigning to be student body president. She was good at it, liked to be the best at something but in the end it was nothing more than meeting expectations. She was doing nothing more than what was expected of her. Motivated by approval and acceptance rather than passion and heart, Emma had always felt like something was missing for Regina. Something she may have never had, was never allowed to have.   
  
Fun.  
  
She decided not to press it. Who was she to start questioning someone’s choice of career. And Regina’s had never really been much of a choice at all, had it? She’d talked herself into believing it had been one, sure. But really she’d been prepped for it since before the two of them had met. She’d always had a path laid out for her.   
  
Prepped for a life that Emma had no part in.  
  
So why did it feel like their paths were crossing for a reason. Why did it feel like tonight wasn’t a coincidence?   
  
Emma knew better than to think like this. She knew better. But her heart didn’t. Her heart only knew how to feel. And Emma resented it for it.  



	7. Chapter 7

“Do you still write?”  
  
They’d left the bar to get some fresh air and were now walking side by side in the cool city air, going nowhere in particular.  
  
“E- excuse me?”  
  
“Your stories. Do you still write them?”  
  
“I don’t-, why would y-.”  
  
“You used to write.”  
  
The change of subject had clearly caught Regina off guard and Emma was just about to apologize and tell her to forget it when she spoke again.  
  
“I still do.”  
  
It was quiet and directed more at her feet than anything else. As if the admission was a sin. It made Emma sad to think Regina felt ashamed of it. After years of being told it was a useless hobby, a waste of valuable time, she’d started believing it.  
  
It was up to Emma to try and change that. To make her see how important it was. Even if it was just for tonight. Emma needed her to see it. It took a few question to really get her to open up about it, but when she did it was clear that she still loved it just as much as she always had. This was what really moved her. This was where Regina’s real passion was at. Emma had known it then and was witnessing it again now. Regina’s speech became more expressive as she spoke. Her hands moved with her words, her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm and Emma couldn’t help but revel in the sight.  
  
Regina Mills so breathtakingly beautiful.  
  
And Emma was falling all over again.  
  


* * *

“You see that bookstore across the street there?” Emma pointed it out as they strolled along the pavement, Regina nodded in confirmation.  
  
“They get new books every Friday afternoon. Every Saturday, I take a detour on my way to the gym just so I can drop by this place and see if any of the new books have your name on the cover.”  
  
She tried to stop it, but the words were too sweet. Her eyes watered without her permission and she blinked the moisture away before Emma could see. No one knew she liked to write fiction. Her father had known. He used to ask her to read her work to him. But that was when she was a child and her writing was nothing more than silly stories about misunderstood queens and kingdoms with magic. There was something about fantasy that had always interested her. Perhaps because it was so far from the reality she desperately wanted to escape sometimes.  
  
Nowadays she only wrote when she really needed to get her mind to calm down. When her apartment started feeling too big for her alone, when work got the better of her, when her mother was being impossible and she felt like she could no longer breathe, that’s when she would grab a pen and disappear into a world of her creation.  
  
Some people worked out. Others listened to music. Regina escaped into her imagination.  
  
And for some reason, Emma cared.  
  
“You won’t find any of my books in there any time soon,” Regina said. Her voice as a little hoarse from the tears she’d just blinked away.  
  
“I guess I’ll have to keep checking then.” Emma winked at her.  
  
The more time they spent together, the harder it was for Regina to keep her old feelings at bay. Emma still resembled her old self so much. Too much. The girl who ran lap after lap on a deserted track. Who took her stargazing and spent hours telling her about the constellations in the sky. The young woman who would run her fingers through Regina’s hair until she fell asleep at night.  
  
The old Emma was still very much in there but what surprised Regina more was that her own old self was still just as present. And so were her old feelings.  


* * *

Conversation having died about three blocks ago, they had been walking in a comfortable silence ever since. Another something, Emma realized, she didn’t find in many people. To be silent together, and not feel awkward about it.  
  
With Regina, it felt okay. Even after all this time. She felt no need to fill the space between them with random topics. She was content in just enjoying Regina’s company and Regina seemed to be feeling the same.  
  
If this turned out to be a terrible idea in the morning, the least she could do was draw out tonight as long as she possibly could.  
  
They rounded another corner when Regina suddenly stopped.  
  
Emma stopped a few steps later, noticing the absence of the other woman beside her. She turned with a questioning look on her face. God, Emma still couldn’t believe she was here with her. With the woman who still starred in her dreams. A woman she didn’t allow herself to think about for too long.  
  
Regina wasn’t looking at her. She was scanning the area as if she was trying to take it in. There was nothing particularly beautiful or special about this corner. Just another corner on another street on another block with no significance to it.  
  
“This is where we last saw each other.”  
  
Emma had completely forgotten but it all came rushing back now.  
  
“Yeah, it really is.”  
  
This is where they’d fought. Regina had been about to leave for Europe. Emma had been offered a huge job as a bounty hunter. Something she hadn’t told Regina about back then.  
  
These brick walls had heard their shouts. Their arguments. The words they hadn’t meant but couldn’t take back.  
  
The pavement below their feet had caught their tears as they fell.  
  
Emma barely remembered the things they’d said, but the feelings came rushing back now. It had been ugly. Uglier than their other fights. Never had there been such a finality to it and Emma had known it was the end. Emma had known there was no coming back from that and so she had taken the job because she couldn’t walk these same streets without her. She had needed to immerse herself in the distraction of tracking someone down in Arizona to keep from drowning in New York.  
  
“You left,” Regina whispered so softly that Emma wasn’t entirely sure she heard her correctly.  
  
“You were gonna go to Europe,” Emma said as if it was an explanation.  
  
“I asked you to come. But you didn’t want to. Instead you just disappeared.”  
  
The hurt was evident in her rising voice.  
  
“I didn’t come because you didn’t want me there.”  
  
“Why would I ask you to come if I didn’t want you there?” Regina asked incredulous.  
  
“Because you thought that’s what you needed to do. We both know I didn’t fit in.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“You didn’t need to take me all the way to Paris just so we could break up under the Eiffel Tower. I just saved you some money.”  
  
“I was never going to break up with you,” Regina nearly shouted. “I wanted to make this work! I wanted to make us work!”  
  
Tears were threatening to fall and it started to look a lot like the scene they’d caused here 7 years ago. But this time Emma wanted her to see. This time Emma wasn’t walking away until Regina knew. Until Regina understood.  
  
“You were gonna go to the Paris Fashion Week and probably do a ton of other high end fashion stuff after that. Travel the continent. Meet important people and have fancy dinners with them. Look at me, Regina! I didn’t fit into your world anymore. It was better to stop it there, to set you free, than to let us crumble until there was nothing left. I couldn’t do that, Regina. I couldn’t watch us bleed to death.”  
  
A tear trickled slowly down Regina’s cheek and Emma had to squeeze her hands into fists to keep herself from wiping it away.  
  
“You left,” Regina said again.  
  
“ So did you!” Emma countered.  
  
“You left first.”  
  
“You went to freaking Europe for a year!”  
  
“Not right away,” Regina answered. “I stayed. I waiting for you to resurface for seventeen days. Eighteen if you count the evening I made the taxi driver take a detour on the way to the airport just to see if the light was on in your room.”  
  
She had NOT seen that coming. Regina had wanted her to come back.  
  
Regina Mills had wanted her.  
  
And she had let her go.  
  
At some point in this conversation, they had gotten closer together. There were only five feet apart now. Close enough for Emma to lose herself in Regina’s eyes. Close enough to smell her fading perfume with every gust of wind. She wanted to tell her she was sorry. But sorry wasn’t going to cut it. Sorry doesn’t glue a heart back together.  
  
She wanted to tell her that she’d been wrong in leaving. She wanted to tell her she would give anything for a do over. But what would that matter? The past was in the past and neither one of them could change that so Emma said nothing as they stared at each other.  
  
On this same street corner. With this same woman. Green eyes locked on brown ones. Seven years later.  
  
Emma realized they hadn’t changed much at all. The air between them was still electric. The woman before her was still the same as girl who would cheer for her at the finish line of a race. And Emma was still as hopelessly in love with her as she was back then.  
  
There was no way of knowing who moved first and there was no one around to care.  
  
Their lips crashed together. Emma’s hands found Regina’s hips while Regina’s disappeared in the blonde’s hair. Both pulling to get the other to come closer, ever closer but never close enough.  
  
It was new. It was familiar. It was them. It was perfect.  
  
Their lips moved against one another like they’d done a thousand times before, but it felt like the first time. It was so much more than a kiss. It was an agreement to forget what was now a distant past. It was the promise of a future.  
  
To Emma, it felt like for the first time in seven years, things were finally right again.  
  
Thank God for this Brooklyn night.  
  
Thank God for that stupid reunion.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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